


Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Fucked Up Love Story

by bitchslappedmyself



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff, M/M, Matchmaking, Romance, some smut towards the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-04-25 11:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14377353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchslappedmyself/pseuds/bitchslappedmyself
Summary: The one where Semi and Reon plot to make their two best friends fall in love, by any means necessary.





	1. Prologue: Semi Is A Bit Obsessive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [staytrashy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/staytrashy/gifts).
  * Inspired by [How to Woo Your Alpha Crush in 7 Easy Steps!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984992) by [staytrashy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/staytrashy/pseuds/staytrashy). 



> Wow it’s been like 2 years since I last posted, and I still have unfinished fics...
> 
> So of course I’ll start a new one!!
> 
> In all seriousness, this work is dedicated to @staytrashy, because they inspired me to start writing again with their work “How to Woo Your Alpha Crush in 7 Easy Steps!” I highly recommend everyone check it out.

* * *

“Are you sure that Ushijima and Tendou aren’t dating?”

Reon chokes on his drink. Semi completely ignores his dying friend, instead keeping his focus on his phone.

Reon wipes water off his chin before sputtering, “What makes you say that?”

Semi doesn’t reply, instead handing his phone over to Reon. Reon looks at the screen.

“Why the hell,” he asks with a raised eyebrow, “Do you have a folder called ‘Evidence of Ushiten?’ What does that even mean?”

Semi didn’t miss a beat in replying, “Just look at the pictures.”

“Just look at the pictures,” Reon replies mockingly, but opens the folder anyway. He is greeted by a flood of images, some blurry, but all containing one common thing: Ushijima and Tendou together. Tendou with his arm around Ushijima’s shoulder, their legs interlocked, Tendou wrapping his arm around Ushijima’s waist, Tendou resting his head in Ushijima’s lap and letting his hair be played with, and multiple, multiple pictures zoomed in to the back of Ushijima’s neck, revealing no bite mark.

“What the actual fu-” Semi interrupts before Reon can finish by shoving the phone closer to his face. Scrolling through, Reon wonders if his friend may actually be a stalker.

“Tendou’s always been a cuddly person,” Reon finally states, dropping the phone on the counter. “But this, this is creepy.” He shoots Semi a pointed look, who pretends not to notice as he picks up his phone.

“I know, but Tendou’s always scent marking him. Isn’t that weird?”

Reon shrugs and picks up his glass of water again. “Not really, he scent marks all of his close friends. Didn’t your mate think Tendou was your mate at first?” Semi balks at the accusation, stammering to come up with an answer. Reon sends another look and Semi concedes.

Reon smirks and takes a sip of water, only for Semi to slam his hands on the countertop with a shocking force, surprising Reon and causing him to choke once again.

Semi ignores this for a second time. “Ushijima is leaving for the United States in two months,” he whispers, as if it’s some sort of secret.

“I know,” Reon whispers in reply. “Why are we whispering?” he adds as an afterthought.

Again, Semi ignores him. “So, we cannot let Ushijima leave until he learns that he and Tendou are made for each other.”

“You can’t force mates,” Reon hisses while slamming down his (now empty) glass.

Semi rolls his eyes. “You think I don’t know that? I want to make them fall in love.” Reon opens his mouth to retort the comment, but is shushed quickly by a finger pressing against his lips. Semi pulls a crumbled magazine out of seemingly nowhere and drops it on the countertop, sliding it across.

Reon stares hard at the cover. “‘How to Woo Your Alpha Crush in Seven Easy Steps, an Omega Teen Magazine Exclusive,” he reads aloud. Slowly, his head raises and makes eye contact with his friend.

“Oh no.”

Semi’s eyes glint devilishly. “Oh _yes_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag yourself I'm Reon


	2. Putting The Plan Into Action Shouldn't Be Too Hard, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has it really been three months since the last update or am i stupid ahahahah
> 
> no really it has, mainly bc i haven't had any access to a computer since i began this and writing on a phone is HARD
> 
> but now i have a computer!!!! which means (hopefully) regular updates!!!! yay!!!

“Step one, toss those suppressants!”

Reon turns to glare at his roommate, who throws his hands up in protest. “It’s the magazine’s advice!” Semi is met with a dish towel soaked in soy sauce landing on his face, resulting in a scream that echoes throughout the apartment. 

“How do you plan on convincing Ushijima to go off his meds?” Reon continues washing dishes with a new rag, ignoring Semi’s cries about his ruined hair. When no reply comes, he turns to find Semi aiming the soy sauce rag at the back of his head. One harsh glare puts an end to that, and he sullenly drops the rag onto the counter. 

Semi picks up his phone and taps anxiously at the black screen. “I have no idea,” he admits openly. “I mean, it’s not like we can flush his meds or throw them away, that’s illegal!”

Reon simply nods in agreement, washing down the sink of all its soap. He turns and leans back against the counter. “Do you know when his last heat was?” 

Semi shakes his head slowly. 

“You’ve put no planning into setting them up, have you.” 

His sputtering in protest is all Reon needs to confirm his worst fears. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Semi, if you’re going to set up our friends, you need to have an actual plan, not following some stupid advice from a teen magazine.” 

“Alright fine,” Semi snaps back. He picks up his phone and begins texting furiously.

“What are you doing.”

“Texting Tendou,” comes the snark reply. “I’m asking when Ushijima’s last heat was.”

Reon’s stare could practically burn holes into Semi’s forehead. He waits for his friend to realize what he just sent. It’s confirmed when Semi’s face meets the counter, and a loud groan emits from the granite.

Reon takes the soy-sauce towel and whacks the back of Semi’s head again before turning to finally rinse it out. 

“We haven’t even begun setting them up!” Semi lifts his head and cries woefully.

“Correction, you haven’t even begun setting them up.” Reon smirks when Semi’s head hits the table once again. 

A knock at the door interrupts their banter. 

“It’s open,” Semi grumbles.

“Pardon the intrusion~” comes a sing-song voice, and Reon curses softly. The devil himself had arrived, again.

It’s not that Tendou’s presence wasn’t welcome, it was more that his presence meant that there would be an endless array of backhanded compliments about their decor, clothes (usually towards Semi), and the fact that neither of them had found mates. Tendou didn’t give a shit that both Reon and Semi were beta, and loved rubbing his alpha status in their faces.

He was the King of Annoyance.

Reon elected to ignore Semi’s head banging against the table successively now, instead continuing to dry dishes and watch Tendou slip off his sandals.

He was wearing socks with his sandals.

And he has the audacity to say Semi has terrible fashion sense. 

“Hi semisemi~” Tendou slides onto the stool besides Semi, and pokes the back of his head. “What’s wrong? Couldn’t get it up this morning?”

“Fuck off.”

Tendou chuckles playfully. “Guess I was right!”

Semi raises his head and glares at his friend. “Do you need something?”

Tendou sighs and smiles, stretching backwards. Reon flinches at the sound of his back cracking. Tendou notices, and cracks his shoulders for extra measure. “Actually, I came over to ask a question.”

Reon turns around, taking his towel and laying it across his shoulder. “We’re not partaking in another one of your contests.” Semi shudders, obviously remembering the last time they went along with Tendou for a “contest,” which resulted in them having to dance completely naked, except for a pink tutu. The worst part was how god damn good Ushijima had looked in that tutu, and the fact that he didn’t mind dancing naked while wearing one. 

Tendou raises his hands and shrugs. “No, not this time, but maybe next month.” He adds a playful wink, and Semi punches him in the shoulder. Tendou punches back, and Semi doubles over in pain.

Reon winces. Crotch shots from Tendou are the worst. 

“No, it’s just that Ushijima is planning on going off his meds in a few days, so his heat should arrive in like, two weeks.” Semi perks up at this, looking from Reon and Tendou excitedly. Either Tendou doesn’t notice (which is impossible, given the puppy dog expression on Semi’s face) or chooses to ignore him. 

“And I’m wondering if I could possibly stay over during that time,” he finishes, drumming his fingers against the table.

Reon shrugs in response. “You have in the past, so sure.” He does his best to ignore the death vibes he gets from his roommate. 

“Really! Thank you~” Reon shudders watching Tendou leave a wet kiss on Semi’s cheek. “I’ll leave you two alone now.” Tendou giggles before adding, “I could cut this sexual tension with a knife.”

“LISTEN HERE FUCKER-” 

Tendou disappears out their door before Semi can even finish his sentence. His laughter echoes in their apartment, like an annoying ghost who leaves annoying messages on walls that go along the lines of “Your penis is small lol”.

Reon shakes the thought out of his head. “Happy?” 

Semi sighs and drops back into his seat. “Kind of? I mean”–he scratches the back of his head, face twisted in annoyance–“I didn’t expect Tendou to come over, or for Ushijima to already plan on going off his meds.”

Reon hums in agreement, taking a glass and filling it with water. 

Just as he’s about to take a drink, Semi adds, “Do we really have sexual tension?”

Reon pauses, walks over to his roommate, and without a word, pours his glass of water over his head.


End file.
